It’s been nineteen days since my world turned upside down, did a 180 and sent me in another direction. Nineteen long, strange days. I’ve had a lot more highs than I have had lows. But let me tell you, when I am in my low moments, they hit me hard. Today was one of those days where I experienced an influx of emotional highs and lows, it was like riding a roller coaster at Six Flags where I’d close my eyes and count down the seconds until it was over.

For the most part though, this week has been exceptionally great. I thought this vacation turned to staycation was going to be boring and uneventful, but it turned out to be quite the opposite. I took more ‘me’ time to focus and elevate myself back to the higher place I needed to be. I have to keep telling myself that I did not do anything wrong in this situation. When they say it’s mind over matter, it truly is just that. 

I don’t remember how or when I decided to start looking at alternative sources for help and insight, and when I became so fascinated at their knowledge. I scheduled a meeting with Kate this last week, and she is someone that I am going to make an effort to see once a year, if not bi-yearly. She is truly gifted, and I am so happy that I have found her. Her presence, words, kindness, and energy is so infectious that I could feel it with every fiber in my being. I felt so confident and enlightened after my session with her on Monday. I trust in her, and believe that when she says everything will be okay, that everything will be okay. “Look to the horizon”, she repeated, and that’s what I will continue to do. 

I’m filled with gratitude knowing that my friends that I’ve set aside over the year have been nothing but great and understanding towards me. I never wanted to be one of those people that alienate others once they get into a relationship, I never will be that person again either. From spending time at Alexa’s new beach side apartment in San Clemente, to hiking with Amy and her coven up in Crestline, I am so happy that I got to spend time with them and make new friends. Alexa and her roommate invited me out to a sound bath the night of the full moon in Laguna Beach, it was such a nice and relaxing moment that I needed that day. I’m happy to spend this weekend with friends that are trying to make the best of my situation and treating me out to a fun weekend. 

I’m hoping the rest of the year will be a little easier. I have remnants of him scattered throughout my room that I’m not sure what to do with. I have a lot of shirts and collectables that I’ve received as gifts, but they’re too hard to wear without thinking of him. I haven’t taken down my beautiful art piece he gave me for our anniversary yet, but I know I need to, because starting at it and seeing it every damn day does not make it any easier. I have to move on, and slowly I am, but I’m asking the universe, God, my guides and everyone around me for help, and positive vibes. I don’t want to cry, and I don’t want to feel sorry for myself anymore.

Sincerely,

Jay