Their are 365 days in a year. For some of us, that may seem like a very long time. A long time to make things right, to make a change, try something new, experience new beginnings, or end old habits. When I was younger, I used to think that having a whole new year ahead of me meant that I had so much time to do whatever I wanted when I wanted, and no fucks were given. I’m 24 now, and in a few months I’ll be 25. At my age, I’m realizing that time is so precious, an entity that we can never get back. It’s so cliché to think like that, but it’s so true. As amazing, upsetting, and adventurous as this year has been, 365 days doesn’t seem like a really long time at all.

It only felt like yesterday when I was sitting in the drunk tank waiting for the next chapter of my life to unfold. This year has been really interesting to say the least. After my DUI, I told myself that I wasn’t going to spend this year entirely drunk like I did last year. I made some changes, made some sacrifices, but at the end of the day I did them for me, and I’m a lot stronger than I was this time last year. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication and passion to really make a change. I had to limit myself from engaging with individuals and situations that influenced me. Drinking, and blacking out almost every night was something that I had become accustomed to, and that person was never me. For me, life has always slapped me in the face when I’ve done something wrong. I can be lucky enough to say that I’m fortunate for that, because some people don’t get the opportunity of having a reality check by life, which usually means they don’t have an opportunity to do good again. I disciplined myself to never drink and drive again, or grab a cab if need be. I’ve accomplished these goals all year. Anyway, this isn’t another post about my drinking and DUI, so I’ll continue along about the year so far,…

Post-DUI, I was able to meet new people, make new friends, and create new memories. One of my new friends, Adam, let me use one of his passes for his airline to go out to California. I am forever thankful for that. I’ll never forget when I was picked up at the airport. I didn’t want to smile or show any emotion, because that is something I don’t like to give away, but seeing them all together, including my brother, was really great (anyone that really knows me, knows I don’t really have a relationship with my brother, and the relationship I do have with my parents is a quite different..). It was really great being back home. The familiar smell of the house, the new additions to the home, my amazing bed, the room that I grew up and spent most of my nights in, and my amazing family. Initially, I was really bummed I didn’t go out to party, and do fun things with my friends while I was there – mainly because my license was revoked at that time, so making plans was difficult. I realized that it didn’t really matter to me, because when I come back to Milwaukee, I can go back and do my thing again (in moderation, of course. ;P). At that moment, all I wanted to do was just be around my family, my dog, and be at the house. It was a whole year since I had seen them, and to just want to make plans without them was extremely selfish on my part. It was a short trip, but a really good one. I spent much needed quality time with my family, and the few friends that I needed to see, I spent good time with them as well. I miss it so much there, that sometimes I wonder why I’m still here,..

Cue into summer,… It was an interesting one, that is for sure. At the start of summer, I had met a lot of new people, did fun things, went to new places, revisited old places, made new memories, ended friendships that needed to be ended, and started to fall for someone. Summer love what a concept that is, and I’m not really sure if completely understand it. Don’t be confused with where I am going with this. I didn’t fall in love with someone this summer. I believe that I experienced a form of that concept whilst getting to know someone. You can’t help but develop feelings for someone when you’re constantly around them for three months. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. In August, at the end of the summer season, we decided to be friends. I can’t, and won’t put myself in the position of being friends with someone that I had strong feelings for because it wouldn’t feel right. I did take a lot out of this experience though, I had a lot of time to reflect, reassess, and move on from this experience. I’ve learned to accept people for whom they are, accept their past, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Not that I haven’t been like that forever, I guess I’ve just been a little bit more open minded about it during this whole phase. I’m never going to settle for anything less again with someone, because I know I deserve the damn best. We all do.

It’s mid October already, and I still can’t believe how fast this year is flying by. Before you know it’s going to be Thanksgiving, and if it isn’t the end of the world on the 21st, then we might just make it to Christmas, and then into the new year. The leaves have turned their color, and it’s just been so beautiful out here. The temperature is dropping, and it’s time to bring out warmer clothes. I’m not particularly fond this time of the year because I enter hibernation mode. Hibernation mode just really sucks if you have nobody to spend these cold nights with, unfortunately. Their are 74 days left of 2012. These last few weeks I’ve been making changes to get ready for the upcoming year. 2012 was great, but 2013 is going to be the year where I start making big changes, and start growing up. I’ll be 25 next year, and it kind of terrifies me. I’m trying to be optimistic about it, but I definitely have some growing to do. I need to get my finances in check, and just focus on me for once, and not anyone else.

Jay-