2022 — Another year completed, and what a wild one this has been. For once, I stepped out of my usual comfort zone and took some risks, adventured into new countries, made new friends, exiled former friends and those that no longer serve me (let’s be honest, I do this every year around the same time), and grew bonds, memories and moments with those new in my life.

Coming out of the 2 year pandemic, I wasn’t going to live my life in fear anymore. I will live, and experience all that is presented to me, because time is not something we ever get back. I took some risks this year, traveled to new unknown lands, made some really amazing new friends, had some interesting dating moments, all whilst reconnecting with someone special.

At the start of the year, I had visited Mexico, Tulum and Cancun to be exact, for the first time in my life for Ashley’s bachelorette. I fell in love with the country, and the people there. I am honestly so mad at myself for being so ignorant when it comes to that country. I was always so fearful to visit because of the scare tactic stories I heard about Mexico growing up. It’s just as bad as it is out here, or anywhere for that matter. I visited Tijuana later in the year, and it was still a rather delightful experience. 2023, I definitely need to visit other parts of Mexico.

Shortly after visiting Tulum, I had connected with someone online. I certainly didn’t have any expectations coming from a year of having to move on from Jay. We connected rather well, almost like he was a familiar stranger I haven’t spoken to for quite some time. If I’m being honest, I didn’t think I’d become as invested as I did. Were we dating? I don’t know how to answer that question. We hung out several times a week over drinks, dinner, or random times when he’d visit at work. It was cool to connect with someone on a deeper level, someone that had similar taste in sad girl music, someone that thought outside the typical norm. It was cool meeting someone that matched what I’m looking for whether that be in a friend, a partner, or someone that only lasts a season.

He convinced me to apply at his job, and I reluctantly went through with it, and got hired. I’ll get into my new job portion after this bit. Shortly after, I didn’t realize how much of a change any situationship can change by just working with someone you’ve been “seeing” for a few months. I honestly didn’t think much of it. Looking back though, I wouldn’t have taken this new opportunity. I value meaningful individuals more so than any job. As I get older, I’m finding that quality friendships are harder to come by. It makes me kind of sad to know that I don’t think we could get to that level of connecting, friendship, deep conversations, whatever you want to call it, again in the future. And it’s a shame because sometimes I look back and think of what could’ve come of that. But such is life, and the older I get, the less I tend to dwell on things from the past.

In 2023, I would have been with Nordstrom for 15 years. It was my first job right out of high school, and I never thought that I would have stuck with that company for so long. A part of it was because of my past and my fear of rejection of trying for something new. Another part was because how comfortable I had been there after so many years. I was the shit. During my time there, I had made some really meaningful friendships in my life, and some that I know I will be friends with for the years to come, if not a lifetime. For that, I am so thankful for the friendships that I’ve made there. I still find it hard to believe that a quiet shy emo kid from before grew into someone that many flocked to, and enjoyed my company. No matter how crazy, goofy and annoying that I can be a lot of the time. I have a lot of love, and a lot of fond memories there that I will carry with me forever, and for that I am thankful to have been an exemplary employee for Nordstrom.

After the pandemic, the entire business model changed. I understand that with these times, a lot of companies both big and small needed to adapt to the ever changing retail environment. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t too fond of the changes, and the ability to service my customers that have been with me through the years was becoming more cumbersome and the desire to “sell more, make more” was starting to diminish with how the new processes were starting to become the new norm there.

So here I am in 2022, working for a financial institution. In a million years, I never thought that I’d work in this type of position. I am not the greatest at math, and the antiquated systems that they have in place are questionable a lot of the time. But I took this leap to further my growth as a person, to become more financial stable, and to have a bit more freedom in life. I think it has been a great transition for me. When I’m not running around like a chicken with it’s head cutoff trying to find the answer for something, I can say that I am learning something new everyday. I’m thankful for the work/life balance that I never had before, and working less than 10 miles from home has been nothing short of amazing. I have so much more time now to do the things that I want to do, and I’m no longer wasting countless hours on the road that I’ll never get back again. Time is so so precious. I was promoted a few months in to the new job, and it’s reassured me that I should be here, because I only want to move up from here. I will say that despite this positive change, it has been a bit disheartening to be completely ignored and avoided at times by the one who referred me to this position. I’m not sure what I did, or if it’s even me to begin with, and at first it was a bit hard coming into work sometimes because I’m not used to being the outsider. I’m not expecting much from him, but some type of interaction would have been a bit comforting coming into this. It’s just a shame really. In the beginning I just came to believe that it was all for a mere referral bonus or something, because I don’t know the person that I was getting to know over the course of several months. It is what it is, and I’ll leave it at that.

In the spirit of friendships, I’ve made so many great new friends this year that I am forever so thankful for. Individuals I never thought that I’d ever become friends with, and friends that were always just kind of there that I’d see with every so often, that grew into a deeper bond. I’ve had so many fun experiences over the summer that I definitely will remember forever. With every year though, I always have to reevaluate what friendships are worth holding on to, and ones that either need a break, or end completely. I don’t have time to deal and listen to petty drama, and topics I think a therapist would be better equipped at handling. But as I get older, my patience for the stupid things have run thin. I’m always an open ear to anyone in my life, stranger or friend, but when it’s the same problem over and over, I think it’s time to explore what a professional has to say, and I’ll leave it at that….

Last year I truly hit rock bottom when it comes to Jay. I never thought that I’d deal with aftermath for so long. I’ve always dwelled on men from my past when things didn’t turn out for the best, but this one was a unique situation. I won’t repeat the old story, I’m sure for the few readers on here that truly care to know can find it on a post somewhere on here. I’ll never forget the feeling I had when his custom text tone went off. I was at the gym, and it felt like my heart was about to pop out of my ass. It finally happened. I had waited for this moment for almost a year, and it finally happened. It’s been really nice reconnecting with him, he’s always going to have a special place in my heart, and I’m just so happy to see the man that he’s becoming. Even though we’re just friends with benefits at the moment, I’m truly happy that he’s been a part of my life again. I have nothing but love for him, and I mean that in the most friendliest, supportive way ever.

I can’t believe next week I’ll be 35. I still feel (and look 😉) like I’m in my mid 20s, so It’s hard for me to even grasp that. I’m excited to start the new year off on a more positive note. I have a healthy group of friends around me, I’m financially in a much better place than I was a year ago, and I’m just excited to get back into a routine for myself. I’m not wasting time on superficial nonsense next year. No fake friends, no energy soul suckers, none of that. I’m not going to write about some superficial aspirations for the upcoming year. I just know that next year is going to be one that I remember forever. I’m gonna be in the best health I’ve ever been, be in the best spot financially, maybe start some new projects, and have the best new adventures next year.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

– Jay