i visited rebecca today.

i left my house at approx. 130, got lost on the way there, and ended up getting to her place at 3:45, only to find out i had 15 minutes to talk to her, becuase visitors are not allowed after 4. they’re so evil their. i was lost for acouple of hours, and i got to see/speak with her for a whole THREE minutes, or less. it was so sad for me, i’m not going to lie, i was excited to know when she was getting out, only to find out she is going to extended care, and that she’ll be gone for awhile. lame. lame. lame.

i left, and i’ve never felt so shitty, ever in my life. it sucks seeing her like that. i ended up selling somethings so i could go back later tonight and give her things that i bought her, only to have them shreded up to see if their was drugs in them. fucking evil. how can anyone do that? i don’t understand, i don’t give a fuck if you’re in a rehab, you don’t do that shit to peoples personal belongings. fucking gay. i hope they go to hell, cause that shit is fucking low, i’m sure they felt pretty fucking stupid when they ripped open something, to find nothing in it. (i’m talking about a totoro thing i bought her today, and they ripped it’s insides out to see if their was drugs.) fuck them all.

i’m starting to realize a lot, how much i want to grow up, get a decent job, and going to school. it’ll take awhile for me to get used to these adjustments, and i know i can do it. ill just have to keep my head up, and ignore things/people that put me down. (i’m good at that.)

OH YEAH! ; tomorrow she goes in for something important, please pray that everything goes good for her, cause it’s serious…

October 16th, 2006. 

I always find it so amusing to read old LiveJournal entries. I always enjoy looking back and reflecting on my past memories. I compare my life now to then, and for some reason life just seemed like so much more fun back then. Perhaps it was the feeling of really being free, and doing whatever you wanted, when you wanted. It’s a little harder the older you get, life throws a lot of responsibility at you, sometimes restricting that freedom you once knew. I compare myself from back then, to now. I used to be personable, and I’m not sure what changed that. I definitely view things very different now, I guess you could say that I’ve grown up a lot. I view things a lot colder now. Sometimes if I look hard enough, I find hints of my former self, but that former self is very much dead. Maybe I’m dead. Sometimes I think it’s better that way, because I know the only person that can hurt myself, is me.

I still remember that day clearly. The song that I kept playing on repeat on the drive back. The places that I stopped at to find directions to the place. The look of the house.

Almost everything, at least.