“When journeying down the long dark road, we must continue on and never give up faith we’ll one day reach our destination – no matter how ugly that road appears before the naked eye.”  – Reed Murphy

Well, it’s finally caught up to me. At least I think it has… All the mean, evil, tormenting things that I’ve done to other individuals, has finally caught up to me – rightfully so, and I can admit that. Karma sure bit and left a bruise, right on my ass.

December 24th, 2011 changed my life, and for the better. I drove drunk, and got busted for it. You’re probably wondering how something like getting a DUI can change my life for the better right? Well, I wanted to start up something where I can talk about it, see the progress that I’m making, and possibly connect with other people that have found themselves in the same position, or are currently going through this as well. It isn’t easy, but it’s better to let things out in the open, then remain silent with nobody else to talk to. If I did that, I would probably have admitted myself to an asylum years ago.

It was an stupid mistake. I’m so very thankful that nobody was injured, because even how bad I felt, and how much I hated myself for this, it could’ve been worse, way worse. Somebody could’ve been killed, and I could’ve even possibly killed my friend that was with me. I’m so thankful that it wasn’t extreme like that. I was extremely lucky.

I honestly didn’t think I would be going to jail that night. I don’t know why I thought I would be able to pass the tests the officer was giving me. Yes, it was cold, and yes, it could’ve impaired me even more than I already was, but I was foolish to think I could get away with it. It didn’t hit me until I found myself in the back of the police car, on my way to a holding room for the next few hours. I will never forget these events, ever.

I felt so hopeless, and not in control while I was on my way to the police station. The thoughts of having to call my parents on Christmas Eve to let them know I was in jail killed me. I was worried I was going to lose my job. I was worried that everything was going to be over for me. Everything I had learned, and worked for this year would be gone. Thankfully, I have a supportive family, a good job, and positive people around me to keep me going. I do not know where I would be if I was all alone.

During the booking process, I had to take a breathalyzer test, and I blew a .14. The legal limit is .08. If I were to blow a .15 I would have to have one of those IID devices installed in my car. I am so thankful that I didn’t blow that. I remember taking my photos, and asking the guy right after, “So, how do I look?” with a grin on my face. He said I looked great. I was then put back into my holding room for the next few long hours.

Their was another man already in there. He was laying face first on one of the seats passed out. I sat down, thinking I wouldn’t be in there for that long. Hours went by, and I knew I was going to be in there for awhile. I laid down, and attempted to fall asleep. An hour or so went by, and another man came in. He was drunk, but seemed friendly enough to let me know why he was in there. I was confused, and scared, and didn’t feel like opening up to anyone in there. Another hour went by, and another man came in. I know I shouldn’t judge, and I’m trying really hard to work on that, but this man really scared me. He immediately came in, kept looking up at the wall, and walking around. I pretended to be asleep so he wouldn’t start to initiate anything with me. He ended up not being so bad. Just another human being, who made a mistake.

The next morning I was so paranoid about work. It was the number one thing on my mind. “How am I going to get ahold of them?”, “When can I make a phone call?” I kept asking myself this. They finally opened the door, handcuffed us, and took us into one of their vehicles, and drove us a few blocks away to get booked. Fortunately for me, since I still have my out of town drivers license, I didn’t have to stay to long there. They drove me back to where I was being held, and the officer, who was pretty kind, told me that he’d let me out in five to ten minutes. I was so happy to hear that, it was finally almost over. I hadn’t eaten, and was extremely starving by this point. I had a cup of water at the booking station, but it came from the sink, so one cup was all that I wanted to drink. As I was leaving, I asked one of the cops if I could use a phone. My cellphone wasn’t brought with me to the station, whoever checked my car decided to bring my iPod instead. I called a cab, and drove down to the tow lot to get my car. It was closed.

I started to panic, and didn’t know what to do at this point. I was disappointed, and felt lost. The nice cab driver that I had, Vik, took me back home. That trip cost me $60 bucks! (42 for the trip, and 18 for the tip). I got home, and immediately told Alyssa and Char what happened. I’m so glad that Char has her connections, and that her lawyer was coming over in a few hours as well (coincidence?). I was relieved, but still very shaken up. It’s really sad how much we depend on our technology these days. Our cellphones, our iPads, tablets, computers, etc. I felt a loss because I didn’t have my cellphone. How pathetic is that? I laid in bed, and didn’t even know what to do.*Skip this part if you don’t want to read anything dirty.* Usually when I’m in bed, I am looking at porn, flirting with someone on some stupid iPhone social networking app for a moment, just so I can get off. I couldn’t even do that. *Ok back to normal.* 


Char’s lawyer friend came over finally, and I let him know what happened. He told me what I needed to do, and when to call him, and the best thing about this, is that he was going to help me free of charge. I’m so lucky when I say that I have some of the best people that truly care right by me, and sometimes I fail to notice that they’re there. I shouldn’t do that anymore.

The next three days were filled with so much anxiety, stress, and a brain that was on the verge of exploding. Google, and Yahoo Answers were my best friend for the next three days. I was so confused with the court system, how things worked, and the different state laws regarding a DUI. I needed to educate myself so when Tuesday came, I would know a little bit more with what I was dealing with. You’d think that would’ve calmed my nerves a bit, but it didn’t do much. I kept feeling so anxious, and nervous for the inevitable that was coming. As the days went by, it got easier to feel somewhat normal again. But, I had no cellphone, and no car. I was stuck at home, with nothing to do. I played Skyrim for a bit, which took my mind off of things temporarily, but not enough. The one thing that I’ve always hated about myself, was how much I over think everything. It never gets me anywhere good, but I continue to do it anyway. Perhaps I’m a little bit insane. I know I was driving Alyssa a little mad because I kept asking her the same question a thousand times. Now she knows what it’s like to deal with my mother, whom I love so very much, but she is exactly like that. She asks the same question a thousand times. I probably get it from her. 🙂

It’s Monday night, and for the first time in a long time, I started to say a prayer. I have always believed in God, but as the years go by, my devotion hasn’t really been there. I was brought up a Catholic, and do have my beliefs. I prayed for something good to happen on Tuesday, for things to go my way. I prayed for strength to get through all of this, and to carry on with my life, and make sure something like this never happens again. During this time, I just felt so sad. I miss my family so much, and I hate that we’re so far away. I’ve never done anything like this by myself, and for once, I’m taking care of business on my own. I’m finally growing up.

It’s Tuesday, the big day. Surprisingly my nerves aren’t as worked up as I thought they would be. I’m thinking it’s because they’re finally glad I’ll figure out what will happen today. I get up to go to court, but apparently I have to come back at one because they do not have my file ready. Okay, I’ll just go to the lot and pick up my car. Char waits with me at the lot, and I so thankful that she did. Unfortunately, the title and registration wasn’t enough for them this time. They needed a signed notary letter from my father telling them to release the car to me. Okay, no big deal, just another little hump. I’ve made it this far, I can keep going. An hour or so goes by, so we decide to get a few errands done, and have coffee at one of her favorite little diners. It was a nice little time there. We finally go back, and wait about 45 minutes for my car to finally be released. I’m so glad to see my car. The first thing I do is to check for my phone. BAM! It’s in one of my compartments. I was beyond relieved to have that back. I was so scared that it was going to get stolen. But, who in their right mind would steal a smartphone these days, most of them have GPS now, so they’re easily trackable.

I drive back to court, get ready, and wait for everything to take place. I end up being put in branch 2 with a bunch of juvenile kids, and one man that is around my age, probably a little bit older. My nerves were out of control. I have the worst stage freight, ever. I’m watching the judge, and he doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He was approachable, and you can tell he was a good person. I’m sitting waiting to be called, watching these young kids go up, and thinking to myself that I’m so glad I wasn’t in their shoes at that age. I hear my name, and I walk up with confidence. At this point, I feel a little bit more relaxed because I knew what I was going to say, “Not guilty”, and that was that. He set me up for a pre-trial date for the 30th of January, and I exited the building. I honestly didn’t think it was going to be less than a minute up there, but I’m so glad it was.

A big sigh of relief came about me as soon as I exited the courtroom. I’m finally done, for now. I know I’m going to have to pay for this for possibly the next six or seven months, but I’m okay with that. I know I shouldn’t of done what I did, but I did it anyway. It was a stupid mistake, that I know will never be repeated again. You live, and you learn. That is what I have always told myself. I can grow from this, and become a better person. While I was sitting at the tow lot, I was listening to someones conversation. It was a guy, and I’m assuming a girl that he was with. He kept telling her that maybe her car being towed is going to set something in motion for something great to happen. I am starting to believe that for myself. I do believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I needed this to happen to me to get my shit together.

I immediately went to AT&T to get my phone activated. I saw the assistant manager that had helped me on the 24th that I was really rude to. I wanted him to help me again, because I wanted to apologize for the way that I treated him. I was really hoping that he would be the one that helped me, but he didn’t.

The way that I’m looking at this is, maybe this is just all the bad karma finally catching up to me. I knew it was coming, I just didn’t know how, or when it would all fall into place. I can only go up from here. After being let out of court, I felt something strange, I felt like I needed to be nice to strangers, and not be such a cold bitch to everyone. Be kind, and be courteous to those you meet. This is definitely the first time in years I have felt such a strong presence of change come about me. Maybe this is the wake up call that I needed.

I shouldn’t be out drinking every night. I shouldn’t be chasing someone that has no interest other than being friends with me every night. I shouldn’t be placing other peoples lives in danger every time I decide to go out for a drink. I shouldn’t be judging people right off the bat like I always do. Their are a lot of things that I shouldn’t do, and I plan on correcting them with this wake up call. Sometimes things in life have to happen in order for change to happen, whether it be bad or good. It’s an opportunity for me, to make things better, and to grow as a person. I’m really good at growing from my mistakes, and have no doubt that I will overcome this. I might become weak at times, but deep down I know that I am a strong person, and capable of doing anything I put my mind to. I get distracted, but thats human nature. Nobody is perfect. We make mistakes, we fall, we don’t give up, we overcome.

I’m really excited to go to work tomorrow, and the rest of the week. I am so thankful for that. Their are so many individuals out there who are dying to get hired anywhere. Myself at one time included. I enjoy my job, and I really enjoy working with the people that I work with. I couldn’t ask to work with a better team. It’s only been four days since I’ve been gone, but it feels like a month.

During this entire process, I’ve become close to these quotes,

“Bad company corrupts good character.”, I first heard this from Kevin Fronczak. Rest in peace Kevin.

“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” – Bill Cosby. We become the company we surround ourselves with. I know I won’t be able to hangout with a lot of the alcoholics that i’ve met out here. I love them all, but I can’t have that be a hobby for myself anymore.

and one of my favorites that I read about an hour ago,

“I have discovered that life doesn’t actually knock you down. It does, however, price you with many opportunities to evaluate your standing in life: what you stand on, what you stand for, how you stand within yourself and for yourself.” – I Vanzant

I don’t think I’ve ever written this much in my entire life. It feels so good to let it all out. It’s no good keeping everything in. It’ll drive you mad, and hopeless. I wanted to start this so I can keep a constant reminder that I need to fix my problems, to quit drinking, to get my life together again, and to quit chasing after someone that only wants to be friends. I hope to meet people that have had the same experience as me, and maybe even connect and share words of wisdom.

Jay-