It’s Halloween. I can’t recall the last time I had a really great Halloween experience. Over the years, I’ve gotten over the “holiday”, and have always dreaded this time of the year. I don’t know why, I just never enjoyed dressing up. For someone like me, this time of the year is pretty boring. I did venture out once this last weekend, it was interesting to see what people dressed up like. I don’t know how some of the girls, even some of the guys, can walk around wearing barely anything out here, it’s too damn cold for that. I’m glad the festivities are coming to an end, so we can slowly transition into one of my favorite holidays, Thanksgiving.

Again, I won’t be spending it with my family back home, and it really just fucking sucks. It’s the one time of the year where we always got together, and just spent quality time at home, and feasted all day. I miss the days waking up to my mother and aunts cooking downstairs, and waiting so impatiently for that hour to come around for everyone to eat. I’ve been looking back at a lot of things from my past, and how much I never really appreciated them until now. I’m sad that I won’t be with them again this year, and just thinking about it already makes me really upset, but I won’t dwell on that because that is just wasted emotion. I am thankful that I was invited to a friends family get together. I haven’t accepted the invitation just yet, because a little part of me doesn’t know if I can be around another family. I appreciate the offer, but seeing how homesick I am lately, I could be a mess.

I’ve been on so many bunk dates the last two months, 8 to be exact, and none of them were a winner. Starbucks last week was a joke. I couldn’t believe that had happened, like it was so painfully obvious I wasn’t interested. “Okay, you’re not even paying attention to me”, I was so caught off guard when that was happened, I kind of just laughed it off because I was so over it at that point. Lately, they’ve just been flocking to me, and I don’t mean to toot my horn or anything, but it’s just weird that none of them worked out. It’s kind of worrisome.

I feel like I’m such a mess lately. Or maybe I’m just fucking crazy.