I can’t believe that it’s almost Thanksgiving. Where did this year go? It feels like yesterday when I had gone out on a little Midwest tour for my birthday, and to know that I’ll be going somewhere new this year for my birthday in a  couple of months seems so crazy. Time really does fly by the older you get. It’s a little scary to me.

This weekend was a lot better than I had thought it would turn out. I’m so thankful for such great friends that have been there during this odd, depressing time. In this time of solitude, I’ve had a lot of time to reassess, reevaluate, and rethink about everything that I’ve been dealing with, and where I want to go from here.

I can’t continue to be sad over this loss. As much as I had wanted this to workout, I have to accept the reality that I’m in right now, and move forward. Life is way too short to dwell, and sometimes I find myself a victim of the constant dwelling and depression. It take a lot out of me to just quit that, and remain positive, but I have to. I can’t continue to wonder if he’ll reach out again, or if we might be able to work things out again, because as much as I’d like all of that, I can’t continue to ponder the possibilities. It will take a lot of time to heal from this, and being so close to the holidays doesn’t make it any easier. I hope he is able to heal, as I wish nothing but the best for him. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. Good, and bad. Like with all things that we experience down here on Earth, I believe everything that we go through is some kind of lesson in order for us to evolve as an individual. I’m such an incredibly strong person, that sometimes I even forget that about myself. I’ve learned what I will, and won’t deal with in a relationship — with friends, and a partner. I’ve learned what my worth is, what I have to offer, what I deserve, and what I can improve upon myself moving forward. Again, a lesson to evolve into my higher self. 

As my favorite holiday is quickly approaching, It’s time to give some thanks.  I’m thankful for all that this life has thrown at me, both good and bad, because it’s shaped me into a wonderful man. I’m a fucking strong person, I just need to remember that everyday. I’m thankful for my friends, and my family. I’m thankful for him. I’m thankful for my nephew, he’s growing into such a kind little soul. I’m thankful for how much growth that I’ve been able to go through this year. I’m thankful for so much. 

We started with a simple hello but ended with a complicated goodbye.

Okay blog, and lastly I’m thankful for you. For always being a little space on the internet where I can be a little more vulnerable. It might be awhile since I have anything else to say, but until next time.

Jay