There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.

— Frank Herbert

The last week has been so bittersweet. An influx of emotions that spiraled through me. Not knowing how to take it in, not knowing how to deal. Slowly processing bit by bit.

Although it was a brief encounter, it was nice to reconnect with him. Words cannot express the amount of sadness that I feel, or the heavy weight that seems to be weighing on me today. I was doing fine for a little bit the last couple of weeks after the breakup, then when we reconnected and a glimmer of hope of a possible reunion crossed my mind. Unfortunately, that’s not how things played out.

We said our goodbyes last night. I became numb again to the feelings, and I’m not sure if it’s really hit me quite yet, but I know that I do feel sad. He was the first person that I ever saw potential with, and it saddens me beyond belief that things sometimes do not work out like you want them to. I am so thankful for the universe for letting us cross paths even for the brief encounter that it was.

I’ve learned that relationships take a lot of work, a lot of compromises, and a lot of transparency in order to thrive. It wasn’t perfect, but damn, I’m proud to say that this is the hardest I’ve tried with someone rather than running away right at the first sign of trouble. As hurt as I am, this lesson of pain, sadness, and defeat will shape us both for something bigger and better in the future.

I’m not sure what else to say, my mind is always thinking about a million things at once, but I know I needed to write something today. I started this new blog because writing down my thoughts has always been a really good way to release the tension that lingers inside. Although I rarely get to say everything I need to say, any little bit helps.

Sincerely,

Jay